Positive Mental Attitude

10th September - OP Day

So the day has finally arrived. I had already spoken to my son about what happens if I don't survive and a tearful verbal explanation to him about the assets I had and how they were to be split up (I didn't tell him everything about my assets, they would discover those upon my death)

So just to be clear, from day 1 I have had a very positive mental attitude about this whole situation. You will discover the power of that later on my recovery. So although I was very confident I would get through the operation, there's always going to be a tiny bit of you that wonders "what if" and I think that is perfectly normal for anyone to have that thought.

 So after not much sleep, here I was laid on my bed about 5am thinking of the operation, thinking of the noises I was hearing around the ward and down the corridor. Taking sips of water even before 6am isn't a bad thing and I wasn't particularly thirsty anyway, I was just sleep deprived! So during the morning, I think I had reduced medication, for instance less blood thinners because of the op, Nurse came round and told me I would have a pre-med before the operation (I didn't get a choice) about an hour before the operation. Consultant came later in the morning to discuss the operation and what he would be doing (think it might have been the registrar to be honest) and he told me that I had been very lucky. Am guessing he was saying that I had been lucky to survive the heart attack as the artery was critically narrow, but he didn't say that in particular, he was generalising I think for me to be in this position 9 days later after a heart attack having a bypass. I am really not sure what he meant by the comment, but all the time leading up to this point, I had said the same thing over and over again in my head anyway. I am lucky to be here and very grateful for an operation that would fix my problem and give me many years of life ahead of me. How very lucky we all are to have an NHS and the people that chose this path as their career. Amazing people.

 As time is moving on, people have munched on their breakfast (I wasn't jealous at all) but every hour or so I was taking tiny sips of water, just to wet the lips and ease my dry throat. It felt like a long morning waiting for my operation, I think it was delayed by an hour or two as lunchtime came and still I was on the ward. Perhaps there was a complication in surgery for the person before me? I didn't want to think about that. 

Anyway, not long after lunchtime, the nurse came in, put a cannula into my arm and gave me some pre-med. Not sure what it was but she said I would soon start feeling drowsy and relaxed. Ok I thought, and waited for the swimmingly lovely feeling to envelope me in its medication..... 30mins later, I remember saying to the nurse, I don't feel any different, its having no effect. She said something, I can't remember what it was now...... but I must have closed my eyes and that's the very last thing i remember for 2 days!!!

16th September

I slept on and off during the night. There was a massive alarm with red lights all over the ward. I got out of bed and thought it was a fire alarm and I asked a nurse if it was, she replied, no its not a fire. It was a patient in serious trouble! That was tough to think that someone had gotten through surgery only to fall at the last hurdle. Not saying they had, but the alarms were so loud, you certainly couldn't fail to notice it. Fingers crossed this person made it through whatever drama they were having. I went back to bed and the alarms were turned off soon after. I managed to doze off for a bit longer I think.

Woke up a little while later, read my book for a while and eventually breakfast was served, probably about 2 hours after I woke up, am guessing I had been awake since about 4.30am. Cornflakes again was tasty followed by a cup of coffee. As I was eating I was wondering at what time the blood test might be. Earlier the better surely would be best. It was all a bit of a waiting game now I guessed.

At 8am the nurse came round for my blood test. I thought this was a great start to the day. An early blood test and if things were ok, I could be out by lunchtime. The Phlebotomist was a man. But he wasn't just a Phlebotomist. he was also a nurse. A very jovial fun guy who was Polish, because I asked him, he had been in the country for about 15 years and had his own building company, but something happened and he had to give up the company and found himself working at Southampton General Hospital as a nurse. He was well suited for this role as he was firm but had a great sense of humour and he was genuinely a nice guy, thats how his persona came across to me. Unfortunately for me, he wasn't very successful the first time he attempted to take blood. It was a bit painful, think he was struggling to find a vein as my arms were full of holes from the last 2 weeks. He told me to drink at least 2 cups of water and he would come back in 30mins to attempt to take the blood again. He came back and was much more successful this time. At last it was done and off to the lab the blood went. I was super confident that I was all ok and although i felt absolutely fine, or as fine as I could be under the circumstances, you just never know for sure about blood!!

 It was a long morning....... waiting and waiting. Tried to keep myself occupied with another film on my mobile, wasn't that good as I can't even remember the name of it. Think I gave up after a while and went back to reading my book. My brother had recommended The Count of Monte Cristo. Its really not my type of thing as its written in old english and in some parts, difficult and slow to read. I perservered for a couple of weeks with it, think I got to page 406 out of 4800 as it was downloaded onto my mobile. I haven't touched it since i was out of hospital, but you never know, I may go back to it at some point as it did get better. So around 11.30am, I got the blood results from Sister and the Doctor and they were happy for me to leave hospital today. The happiness and the joy was overwhelming. I was so desperate to get out of hospital and back home to recouperate and the thought of being able to sleep without noise was amazing.

So the question was, when could I go as I needed to inform my partner so she could pick me up. "Shall I start packing my bags now Sister?"

"No, we have to request from Pharmacy your medication that you will leave with today"

"Ah, of course, it hadn't even crossed my mind at all"

It genuinely hadn't crossed my mind as up until the heart attack, of all the 56 years I have been on Earth, I have never had medication prescribed to me to take on a regular basis, apart from antibiotics for laryngitis about 15 years ago that i had to take over 7 days. I was (am) generally of good health up until my heart attack. I always thought that I would never have a problem, I kinda felt indestructable. How ridiculous is that? Or am I just super confident in myself? Or just idiotic?

So the pharmacy are sorting out the medication I will need when I leave hospital. "Sister, what time shall I tell my partner to come and collect me? A rough time will be good"

"To be on the safe side, go for 4.30pm"

"4.30pm? thats almost 5 hours away, I'm only waiting for medication, is that right?"

"Yes but pharmacy are busy and it does take them normally a few hours"

Just imagine the expression on my face towards sister, my jaw dropping to the floor, my eyebrows raised and this incredulous piece of information thats just been given to me. Perhaps I am not quite getting it, but to me, I am imagining going into a chemist and asking for a list of drugs, lets say 4 drugs from a list along with the dosage. As long as you can read english, lets say 2 mins per drug to be found and counted out, and being generous, lets say 10mins to sort out my medication if I went to a chemist.

Why would or should it take Southampton General Hospital Pharmacy department a few hours to pick and pack a few drugs for me? Of course, there are hundreds of patients in this hospital, but they aren't all being discharged at the same time as me (or are they)?? There were 3 of us from the same ward being discharged today, so perhaps there were an awful lot of patients leaving today. My hunch is that they are understaffed massively!!!! I am imagining one little old lady in the pharmacy department, that retired years ago, but came back to work when Boris Johnson sent out the call to all retired medical staff to consider coming back for a while whilst Covid-19 was wreaking havoc (as it still does) That little old lady with a zimmer frame is rushing as fast as she can but is happy in her little world doing a good deed, but extremely slowly. I have probably exaggerated here slightly as you can imagine. There's probably 2 of them running around on their zimmer frames!!

So I phoned my partner, told her the good news that I was leaving today, but not before 4.30pm. Whatever plans she had, now had to be changed because of me, and to be honest, I know she had plans (after I left hospital) but she didn't mention it till much later. I was only interested in myself getting out of hospital.

The 3 of us that were leaving our ward had been moved out of our bay and to the discharge lounge at around 2pm. Then we were moved from the discharge lounge 30mins later to the kitchen area of the ward we just left !! The reason being that there was no nurse available to keep an eye on us in the discharge lounge. Good job really as we were on the 2nd or 3rd floor and the window in the discharge lounge was fully open, proper wide open with no safety clasp or setting for the window. I believe thats illegal, but that was just a thought that crossed my mind. 

So in the kitchen on the ward, we could help ourselves to tea and coffee, and there was an ice cold water machine that dribbled water out when you attempted to fill your paper cup! It was so hot on that ward, as it was not only hot outside, but hot on the ward as well due to windows not being opened very much, and all the bays on the ward had fans on to circulate the warm/hot air much more vigourously. How lucky we all were! 

2 and a half hours waiting with 2 people I didn't know and hadn't spoken to before. It was like a dentists waiting room, no-one said anything.

I had to break the silence at least. There was a young guy and an old guy. I spoke to the young guy first whilst the older guy was sat in the corridor on a chair in front of a fan (I thought that was a great idea) The young guy had a faulty valve from birth, and had been advised wait till he was older to have it fixed (no idea how they fix a faulty valve) but he had a similar scar to me down the front of his chest. He worked on computers for Sage and he was 28. Nice enough guy.

The guy that was out in the corridor in front of the fan, came back in as I was getting some water, "Would you like a cup of water?" I said

"Yes please, thank you" he said in his irish accent. I had heard him on the ward as he was in the bed next to me in our bay talking to nurses and doctors whilst i was in there. He was a softly spoken man, polite and nice.

That morning, I had heard him speaking to sister about her holiday. He had worked in Guernsey before and was now working on Alderney. He was a Roman Catholic Priest.

I struck up conversation with him as he as in his 70's, certainly didn't look like it, but he was nice to talk with and I was genuinely curious to know what he planned to do. I have no idea what his heart problem was, but I did hear in the morning that they had found some lumps on the xray on his lungs. I am guessing it may be a tumour or worse. I mentioned that he was probably looking forward to going back to his congregation. But he said he was probably going to retire now. (perhaps because of his health scare) I asked him about whether the church provided a pension or not. He told me he would get about £5000 - £6000 per year. (thats fairly poor considering a life of priesthood) I felt genuinely sad that the lumps were found. A priest with health problems? Surely God shouldn't allow this? A devoted man of faith for his whole life being punished like this? It makes no sense at all and to coin a phrase, life isn't fair sometimes. Pure dedication and devotion though.

Time went on and the 3 of us had idle chit chat and we waited....... 4.30 came and went.

I asked Sister if things had been forgotten, and professional as the staff are, she was apologetic and said she would try and find out. She came back to us 10mins later saying they are still working on the medications. Really not much else she could have said really. I messaged my partner and told her, and that I would phone her once I knew more.

Just after 5.30pm, all 3 of us got our medications. It was certainly a long wait, but you can't grumble, I was just happy to be going home, as I am sure the other two were as well. But we had to now wait for porters to take us out of hospital. One guy walked and 2 of us in wheelchairs. It was a long way to the entrance of the hospital and after a major operation, I couldn't have walked that far I am sure. I was still a bit weak and wobbly on my legs.

Didn't have to wait too long and the porters took us out. My bag of medication on my lap. I was happy to be leaving. Eventually we got to the entrance. Stopped a little before the entrance and waved goodbye to the porters and thanked them. Before I entered the revolving doors, I could see my partner outside (Southampton General Hospital allowed NO visitors at all during Covid-19) and I could also see my eldest son as well. Both with their masks on. What a fantastic surprise to have my eldest son there for when I left hospital. My youngest was working in Saudi Arabia and couldn't get a flight due to Covid-19 and the company rules, but it was great to have one of my sons there on leaving hospital. I won't lie, it was emotional after not seeing anyone at all since I was in Southampton General Hospital for the last 6 days. At last, I was going home.

***Footnote***

The literature that  you are given whilst in hospital indicate a minimum stay of 7 days after a bypass operation. I was determined that I would get out at the 7 day point and thats why I was constantly thinking of a positive mental attitude even though the first day or two after the op, I felt a bit rough around the edges, to be expected of course, but I got out of there in 6 days. I achieved something in adversity.

Special Thanks

Lastly and certainly not least a special thanks to the following people:

ALL NHS staff who cared and looked after me whilst in Poole Hospital, Bournemouth Hospital and University Southampton Hospital

Special thanks in particular to the following:

My partner Jo for her initial call for an ambulance and looking after me whilst recovering.

Dr Szabolcs Miskolczi my cardiac surgeon, and his whole team who saved my life.

Day 24

Today was a lovely walk at Badbury Rings. Last time I went there was the year before and it was a bitterly cold day. Today was much warmer but a very brisk wind so my thermal hat was firmly on!!

So if you are unfamiliar with Badbury Rings, there is evidence of Bronze Age, Iron Age and Roman occupation at Badbury. However, the site is known mostly for its Iron Age hill fort with its three rings. It is thought the inner most ring dates from around 500 - 600 BC.

A number of tribes settled at Badbury Rings. Among them were the Durotriges – a Celtic tribe who lived in parts of the South West of England prior to the Roman occupation of 43 AD. 

These rings are around 20 feet high and steep (as you would expect from a fortification). The walk up to the top of the fortification is a slight slope, its actually not that slight and its quite long. Last year I was out of puff when I got to the top apparently. Today, slightly out of breath for someone who had a major operation a month ago. Not bad going at all and very pleased that there was no pain, no sign of the heart screaming to get out of my chest and because I am a non-smoker now, the lungs were clear and not an issue at all. This is going well, and I am very eager to go further (which at this stage I could easily do) but my cardiac rehab nurse has indicated to think about what the heart has gone through and its still in the process of getting over the shock of major surgery. So i need to rein in my eagerness for another couple of months, but then I will be running anyway, so the long walks will be absolutely fine to do.

For those reading this that have had surgery or are going to be having surgery, do not fear what comes after the operation. In a short space of time you will recover and you will be doing what you used to do but a bit more slowly to start with. Its all very possible with the right positive mental attitude and determination. I am getting there, and theres no reason for you not to either.